An American FASFA

Late winter. Early afternoon. A librarian tries to finish strong, bustling around school on a Monday with no plan time. Her phone and watch seem to be signaling at an alarming rate. She assumes someone has died...or that her sibling/mother chat has ticked up because of the mother's birthday. She continues with her day blissfully ignorant of the actual messages' contents.

Scene

Early evening. She arrives home after volunteering at the district STEM Challenge to teenage sons slurping down Ramen noodles cooked in glass measuring bowls. She's exhausted by the day but happy to be home.

Son 1: Did you get the FASFA done? (looking into his bowl like he might grab the handle and just pour the contents down his throat)

Mother: What? (she hangs her backpack on the hook and removes her coat to hang too)

Son 1: (makes eye contact with Mother) Didn't you get my messages? Dad said you could work on it tonight.

Mother: I have been at school and then straight to the middle school for STEM Challenge. I have not been working on your FASFA.

Son 1: Well, can you? Please? 

Mother: I can help. When does it need to be finished?

Son 1: ASAP

Mother: Do you know how to access it?

Son 1: Access what?

Mother: The FASFA. Do you know how you logged in last year? Username? Password? I remember your dad and I couldn't create your account or something. It had to involve you.

Son 1: I don't remember. I have my school login information. That's about all I use.

Mother tries the info Son 1 gives her to login. Username and password are both incorrect. Mother sighs.

You've Got Mail (Messages) SOL#22

Those three dancing dots, and how do you describe that noise? Tick-a-tick-a-tick-a...plick-a-plick-a-plick-a? My high school friends and I are in an ongoing message thread. It flows and ebbs like the tide. Over the last few weeks, we have been in close contact due to a death which has saddened us all.

However, we are talking and chatting about logistics and classmates.  We're catching up on times missed and times remembered. We're celebrating the past and making plans for the future. It is restorative and relaxing and rewarding to read and write. We all work, but some of us work from home (within a few second's distance of a yearbook) and some are teachers or eye doctors who don't have a phone or laptop in front of them.

Tonight, one is missing. She momentarily jumped in at 6:00 to say, "my crazy sister-in-law has been around and never shuts up so it's been hard to concentrate on something as important as this convo!" I laughed out loud at the comment as we had been discussing the name of our history teachers through our high school years and the boys' basketball coaches. Hardly the important convo, but we do value each other and what she said makes that evident.

Today alone we have covered the high school teachers and coaches, tax preparations (even the two accountants have their taxes done by someone), college emails we wish we still had, in-laws that annoy us, boyfriends that do housework and husbands that might try to, hired house cleaners, and condos in Maui. The night is young, who knows where it might take us!

I love my girls, and I am so grateful to have these modern conveniences to connect with them!

Friday night

Friday night,

aching knees and cramping arches

shoes off

feet up.

Friday night,

air frying pizza rolls and dipping in ranch

dishes done

feet up.

Friday night,

writing posts and reading comments

laptop charged

feet up.

Friday night,

watching football and texting neighbors

chair reclined

feet up.

Friday night,

making plans and listing chores

bed unmade

feet up.

Friday night,

breathing deep and sitting back

covers drawn

feet up.

A day by the numbers

I'm an absolute word nerd and I love numbers, too! This was a structure I wanted to try in 2019 (I wish I knew who to credit for the inspiration) but never seemed to have the day for it. Today must be that day.

Today had a weird feel...not a bad feel, not a good feel, not a comfortable feel either.  

Maybe that's it. Today felt uncomfortable. In reflection, I'm wondering why that was. 

So here are some noticings from my time in thought.

5882 steps, not close to my average of 6100+ 

I don't know why, that part of my day seemed normal...normal schedule, normal routines

5 more 5th graders marked as "independent library users" 

That book scavenger hunt is fun, but it takes so much time for one-on-one conversations and checking.

18 Kindergarten students completed their initial login into Nearpod on their iPads, using the keyboard to enter a lesson code and their name

The lessons are in digital citizenship and are aimed at safety for these first few weeks. The kids think I'm magic when I can swipe through slides on their screens using my laptop. It is magic.

278 books checked out

This also means we had about that many books checked back into the library. Today included two books with smudges (and a significant amount piled on the spine edge) of what we thought might be a sandy mud but then decided it was food of some kind and hoped it was a protein bar. It looked like baby poop which made me alternately shiver and laugh.

14 ziplock bags

The mystery substance was only the beginning of the damaged, gooey books we received today. Consequently, many students returned to class with a brand new zippy bag to store their fresh books in and protect them in their backpacks. In addition, I have decided that writing a children's book from the perspective of a library book is forthcoming and will be a best seller!

89.21 spent on Amazon to finish up my budget money for this year

Most was spent to replace damaged or lost books, but a few were titles that I just can't believe we don't have. What library exists without City of Ember or Because of Winn-Dixie? We also "needed" Owen by Kevin Henkes and The Lightning Thief graphic novel.

81.12 that actual amount of budget money I had left for this year

I am hoping to find the rest in another budget, but didn't have time to talk to my principal about it today. If not, I have a 20 in my wallet. :) I took advantage of the tax-free status and free shipping while I could.

6 hours 12 minutes is what my watch tells me I slept last night

This is probably the largest factor in the feel of any day. Sleep and I have never been the best of friends, but I recognize my need for good rest.

3/3 days posting so far in this year's challenge

It's a stronger start than I anticipated. I wasn't sure about writing this year, so I'm trying not to stress about it. If it happens, great! I'll be proud. If it doesn't, grace! I'll be understanding.

 

Dreaming? SOL#22

This is weird. I know I'm dreaming because whatever was just happening (and it seemed to make sense) has changed into me holding an animal. These pets are new, I'm thinking. This dream just changed, turning into something that doesn't go with the part before. What is happening? I am dreaming, of this I'm sure. Do I need to wake up? The animals are not my pets. There are little dogs and cats too, but none of them look like mine. I'm cuddling a bunny like a tiny, soft baby. If we are going to eat these rabbits, I can't make them into pets. I'm thinking through this and trying to make sense of it.

There is a noise. I can't find it. What's that noise? Am I still dreaming? The noise is loud, but I can't identify it. I think I need to wake up. Wake up! Find out what is making that noise. It sounds like a problem.

I open an eye, left then right. The button on my watch illuminates the screen. It's so very, blindingly bright. 4:22am. Why am I awake at 4:22?

There's a tearing sound. Something scratching and ripping...it is under my bed. What in the world could that be?!? 

The cats! Who left a cat in the house?!? It is definitely a cat. I hope it is a cat. "Here, kitty-kitty," I whisper. No cat. I fling the covers off and to the left of my body. My feet fall to the carpet, and I push myself into a vertical-ish position. "Here, kitty-kitty," I try again. Still no cat.

My eyes continue to close on their own accord. So very tired...the cat should be in the garage. It was probably D when he took out the trash. I seem to be sinking back toward the pillow. My husband must not have heard the noise. His shallow breaths are steady and restful sounding. I'll just lay here and listen for any sound again. I'm sure it was a cat. The cats should be in the garage.

Procrastination and Self Care #SOL22

The sun is intensely bright, although it still touches the horizon. I love the sun. "Come on, Spring!" is my mantra.  The fact that the world is this light at 7:20 in the morning means we are getting closer to my favorite season of summer. 

My eyes are watering. As I drive straight into the sun's blinding power, I pray I don't run into something I can't see or run off the edge of the black top because I can't distinguish where the pavement ends and the ditch begins. Each sunny morning, I rejoice...and lament. The trip to school is still not a habit. I don't know this road "like the back of my hand" or anything. There's a bus stop somewhere ahead. I can't trust the oncoming traffic. My foot eases off the gas a bit. I squint and pull the visor down.

"Do something about it!" I scold myself. If I make an appointment, then I get new contacts. If I get new contacts, then I can wear my sunglasses. If I wear my sunglasses, then I will only rejoice in the beaming warmth of the sun.

I have been wearing my prescription glasses for about four weeks now. The four boxes of contacts from my May 2020 appointment have run out. I am miserable. Self loathing abounds. Frustration!

Can I see? Yes. Am I injured or hurting in anyway? No. Do I feel inconvenienced? Absolutely. Does it tick me off to open the door and not be able to see my hands as I reach into the 400 degree oven because my lenses have been momentarily fogged? Yep. Are there a billion problems worse than mine? For sure. Is this all my own doing? 100%

I want to take care of myself...I really do.

The road makes a sharp turn to the right which means I am now driving to the south...relief. We wind down the road a mile or so to make it to our destination. The parking lot is speckled with cars. I notice two other teachers arriving with sun glasses and smiles adorning their faces. Today is the day, no excuses. Before I let myself out of the car, I set an alarm for 9:00am. I have an appointment to make.