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Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Procrastination and Self Care #SOL22

The sun is intensely bright, although it still touches the horizon. I love the sun. "Come on, Spring!" is my mantra.  The fact that the world is this light at 7:20 in the morning means we are getting closer to my favorite season of summer. 

My eyes are watering. As I drive straight into the sun's blinding power, I pray I don't run into something I can't see or run off the edge of the black top because I can't distinguish where the pavement ends and the ditch begins. Each sunny morning, I rejoice...and lament. The trip to school is still not a habit. I don't know this road "like the back of my hand" or anything. There's a bus stop somewhere ahead. I can't trust the oncoming traffic. My foot eases off the gas a bit. I squint and pull the visor down.

"Do something about it!" I scold myself. If I make an appointment, then I get new contacts. If I get new contacts, then I can wear my sunglasses. If I wear my sunglasses, then I will only rejoice in the beaming warmth of the sun.

I have been wearing my prescription glasses for about four weeks now. The four boxes of contacts from my May 2020 appointment have run out. I am miserable. Self loathing abounds. Frustration!

Can I see? Yes. Am I injured or hurting in anyway? No. Do I feel inconvenienced? Absolutely. Does it tick me off to open the door and not be able to see my hands as I reach into the 400 degree oven because my lenses have been momentarily fogged? Yep. Are there a billion problems worse than mine? For sure. Is this all my own doing? 100%

I want to take care of myself...I really do.

The road makes a sharp turn to the right which means I am now driving to the south...relief. We wind down the road a mile or so to make it to our destination. The parking lot is speckled with cars. I notice two other teachers arriving with sun glasses and smiles adorning their faces. Today is the day, no excuses. Before I let myself out of the car, I set an alarm for 9:00am. I have an appointment to make.



3 comments:

  1. Great writing! Order those contacts so you don’t have to stare into the sun. Keep on trucking toward Spring.:)

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  2. The blinding light of the morning sun evokes so much passion--always! Whenever I heading west and see the squints of those heading east, I am filled with relief that my destination is elsewhere, but also empathy for this treachery. Thanks for sharing!

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