It's his cankles and the line in the chubbiness where his wrist should be. Those are the things that you miss. The daily grind, barely making it in survival mode, makes it tough to soak in these moments. I am a new mom, for the fourth time.
You might be thinking, "you can only be a new mom once, when it's actually new", but I'm here to tell you that you forget. You forget the best parts. You also forget the hard parts. Thankfully you forget that stuff. If you didn't forget the hard parts, the feral, primitive, hardly ever awake parts, the earth would cease to be populated. That's how hard it is. I had not documented those parts, so I forgot. Hence, I am a new mom...again.
Thinking about the hard parts, focusing on getting through, makes me glide over the best parts. I hardly notice the funny noise he makes as he is falling asleep, sucking on that binky. I will forget how he startles himself in the bathtub with his own kicks. When he is hungry, and it's time to eat, he licks his lips and sucks in his bottom lip. I will miss that little detail of his face, his development, him.
I am, right now, committing to saving these things. Knowing that my other boys were similar, and I didn't keep up recording their little bits, what made them special little babies, will keep me on track this time. These moments have to stay with me so I can remember, so I will not forget.