Thursday, March 5, 2020

Always

#SOL20 Day 5


Bon Jovi's "Always" plays on Youtube Music and I suddenly recall being 15 again, holding a letter from a friend who had moved away.  The friend happened to be a boy.

In this letter, he confesses his crush on me over the past couple of years and how he hopes we can stay in touch.  I don't even know what that means...stay in touch?

What can I do about it now?  Why tell me after the fact?  I'm so confused.  And I'm hot and shaking.  This is weird.  I don't know what to do about it.  It's strange that this letter has affected me so much.  I'm almost more freaked by my reaction as I am about this big news bomb.  Do I like him in that way?  Did I have any idea he liked me?

"What are you doing?" my sister calls from the kitchen, wondering why I'm immobilized in a chair no one ever sits in.  It's usually full of book bags and jackets.  It's like I'm lost in my own home.

"Nothing," I reply barely audible...at least I think I answer her.  I'm looking off but seeing nothing.

The laundry is piled on the dryer, waiting to be folded.  It's my job when I'm on the phone.  We have the extra-long cord so I can be productive while I'm talking.  Mom says there's too much to do to sit around on the phone for hours.  I don't mind the chore most of the time.

Now, I stare at the laundry, deep in thought about how I wish he would have said something sooner.  I mean we're 15.  He lives over two hours away now.  What can come of this revelation?

The power of the letter.  Hot in my hands.  Shaking like it weighs fifty pounds and is too heavy to hold.  I rest my quaking hand, gripping the notebook paper, on my thigh and sigh a big breath out that I didn't know I was holding.  His confession is a shock to my system.  I'm taken aback.

The letter.  That's it.  We'll send letters.  Where will this new information take me?  I don't know, but it's worth the effort to put words on paper.  Of that, I'm sure.


4 comments:

  1. Ah yes, the power of music. When I hear "Dust in the Wind", I'm suddenly back in time, riding in a car with four other college students. We're making our daily drive along country roads to a nearby town to do our student teaching. Oh, the memories.... ~JudyK :-)

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    1. The connection of memories and music is incredible to me. Thanks for reading.

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  2. Of course, I would ask you - did this really happen? I don't remember that, but I think I know who wrote the letter. =)
    I heard 'Parents Just Don't Understand' not that long ago at some teacher event that hosted teacher karaoke. I could so clearly see you in your washed out denim - tight rolled of course- and super high bangs. Oh, how a song can take you back.
    I love the descriptions in your writing - how heavy a piece of paper can fill when we don't expect to read what it says. Great job!

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    1. It did...in some version anyway. The question is do I still have the letter in a box in the barn loft? I'm not sure.

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