#SOL20 Day 2
My left thumb scrapes the base of my right one's nail. Glitter falls to the floor. What do people think when they see the mess that my hands are?
Do they see stress? The picking and scraping and biting that come with trying to cope. The prediction of low test scores and high stakes finds me using my fingers as a fidget.
Do they see loneliness? The dry, chapped knuckles and splitting, bleeding cuticles caused by a hectic-ness that forgets regular moisturizer application and instead substitutes wringing and rubbing. This job is isolating even when we're surrounded by people.
Do they see worry? The chipped polish and torn nails show their absence of care and misuse. There is intention for a cute, put-together look, but the follow through and long term don't seem to work. If we could be sure of how it will all turn out, wouldn't it be a different world?
Do they see sloven? The whole is messy. Why would a professional walk around with hands like this? Does she even care? If I did, wouldn't I do something about it?
OR do they see joy in the color of the glitter? Do they see bonding over trading and buying different color nail sticker polishes with my co-workers? Do you see my effort in some type of self-care in trying to take a few minutes to have polished nails? Do you see me letting it go when my hands don't look perfect? Do you see me having my own fun?
What story do you see here?