My left thumb scrapes the base of my right one's nail. Glitter falls to the floor. What do people think when they see the mess that my hands are?
Do they see stress? The picking and scraping and biting that come with trying to cope. The prediction of low test scores and high stakes finds me using my fingers as a fidget.
Do they see loneliness? The dry, chapped knuckles and splitting, bleeding cuticles caused by a hectic-ness that forgets regular moisturizer application and instead substitutes wringing and rubbing. This job is isolating even when we're surrounded by people.
Do they see worry? The chipped polish and torn nails show their absence of care and misuse. There is intention for a cute, put-together look, but the follow through and long term don't seem to work. If we could be sure of how it will all turn out, wouldn't it be a different world?
Do they see sloven? The whole is messy. Why would a professional walk around with hands like this? Does she even care? If I did, wouldn't I do something about it?
OR do they see joy in the color of the glitter? Do they see bonding over trading and buying different color nail sticker polishes with my co-workers? Do you see my effort in some type of self-care in trying to take a few minutes to have polished nails? Do you see me letting it go when my hands don't look perfect? Do you see me having my own fun?
What story do you see here?
So many options and I was happy to read the worry ones turned to some positive joy for you. You are right, find something that brings you joy to muddle through the earlier thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. I am generally a happy person, but February was rough...inside and out. I did want to end on the upside. Thanks for noticing.
DeleteI’ll be honest, I saw the glitter first. Glitter = joy (ie, as long as it isn’t in a heap on my carpets!)
ReplyDeleteHa! Yes! Except, I do wonder how beautiful it would be in my bagless vacuum. It would probably be magical!
DeleteHa ha! Yes, I see any teacher with any kind of nail color on most of her fingernails as a highly effective person who knows the importance of self care. But the other perspectives - especially the loneliness of isolation touched nerves, memories for me. Such a challenging job.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking time to read and comment. I always give gals the benefit of the doubt when nail polish is involved. :)
DeleteA thought-provoking slice! It was fun to read and made me wonder what people would notice about my hands! I love your line, "This job is isolating even when we're surrounded by people." Being able to bond with co-workers as we trade and buy things like nail stickers can make us feel a little more connected.
ReplyDeleteThe ColorStreet nail polish stickers are "a thing" here. It's fun. We're like little kids showing off to our friends all the radical colors and patterns we dare to wear. AND since we hardly do anything outside of school, our colleagues are the ones who will see us the most.
DeleteThis is a unique kind of heart map! I noticed the glitter! Fun slice!
ReplyDeleteI didn't think of it that way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
DeleteLove your line,even though sad - feeling isolated even though we are surrounded by people. How true is that! Just like your nails, so many feel like everything needs to be sparkling and perfect, but real life is chipped at best and bleeding at worst and because someone made us believe that all we should show is the glitter that instead we simply stay silent and feed the isolation. I am totally using your line with my new ag teachers! Of course I will credit my very wise older sister!
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